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Michael Krasny

"Helga writes from the heart and she puts lucidly into prose good, sound and wise advice about the ways for us to begin needed conversations across the generation chasm."

– Host of KQED Forum and author of Spiritual Envy: An Agnostic's Quest

Testimonials

 

Stan Jernigan

"A pathway, guide and instruction book for dealing with two taboo subjects – money and death. Helga shows how families can avoid misunderstandings about these two issues. This book should be mandatory reading for every parent and adult child."

–Founder, The Mentor Group

Testimonials

 

Robert Burton, M.D.

"A common sense approach to rethinking personal relationships in the light of not-so-intuitively obvious cognitive science discoveries."

– – Author of On Being Certain: Believing That You Are Right Even When You're Not

Testimonials

 

Bruce Feldstein, M.D.

"I've seen the peace that comes to families who can have the conversations included in this book."

– Director, The Jewish Chaplaincy
Stanford University Medical Center

Testimonials

 

Helga Hayse, Financial Intimacy AdviserHelga Hayse                
Author, Speaker,             
Seminar Leader            

Money, Love & Legacy

A guide to crucial conversations before it’s too late.

Why Families Confuse Money and Love

Why Siblings Fight about Inheritance

Why it's Hard to Talk about Inheritance

What Parents Hide and Adult Children Need to Know

How Will You Be Remembered?

Why You Can't Postpone Apology and Forgiveness

 

Parents and children don’t like to think that money and love have any relationship to each other. Unfortunately, this is a myth; money insinuates itself into family relationships whether we like to admit it or not.

 

Parents procrastinate about financial planning and often leave their family with problems about inheritance, responsibility, entitlement, and feelings of regret and anger. They neglect the need for shared medical and legal information and preferences for end-of-life care.

 

Adult children often feel uncomfortable about opening these conversations with their parents. Both generations need a road map for navigating through these crucial but often uncomfortable subjects. 

 

"Money Love & Legacy" is a guide to show you how to avoid unnecessary guilt, regrets and grief by having the conversations that matter between parents and children  before it's too late. 

 

Dreading that Talk with your Parents or Children?

The 40/70 Rule

Today’s most uncomfortable conversations between parents and children aren't about sex.  They're about parents sharing with you, their adult children, what you need to know to help them as they age. 

 

A survey conducted by Home Instead Senior Care coined a name for this very important conversation – the 40-70 Rule. It means that children who have reached age 40 or whose parents are 70 need to start discussions about what expectations and responsibilities each will need regarding living arrangements, driving habits, health concerns and financial matters. 

 

If you have been avoiding these subjects because you don't know how to start,
After you do, check out the free Conversation Starter Kit from the Conversation Project . http://theconversationproject.org

 

Americans need to face up to end-of-life planningBy Special to the Mercury News, January 10th, 2011

Doctors have, over the years, quietly advised patients about care options at a time of a medical emergency or terminal illness. On Jan. 1, the government announced that doctors would be reimbursed by Medicare for end-of-life counseling during a regular office visit. Four days later, the government changed its position. With lightning speed, a medical decision has once again become a political one.

This is terrible news for patients and their families who need to open the discussions about end-of-life care. Read more: 

http://www.moneyloveandlegacy.com/index.php/media-and-press/86-article-mercury-news-111.html

 

HOW NOT TO DIE

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/05/how-not-to-die/309277/

CHANGING YOUR ADVANCE MEDICAL DIRECTIVE

The American Bar Association Commission on Law and Aging suggests that you re-examine your health care wishes whenever any of the following “five D’s” occurs:

  1. Decade: When you start each new decade of your life.
  2. Death: When you experience the death of a loved one.
  3. Divorce: When you experience a divorce or other major family change. (In many cases, a divorce automatically revokes the authority of a spouse who had been named as agent.)
  4. Diagnosis: When you are diagnosed with a serious medical problem.
  5. Decline: When you experience a significant decline or deterioration from an existing health condition, especially when it diminishes your ability to live independently.

If you decide to change something in your living will or health care power of attorney, the best thing to do is create a new one. Once this new document is signed and dated in front of appropriate witnesses, and notarized if necessary, it supersedes your old directive.

For more advice on creation and maintenance of your living will and other advance directive documents, purchase The Health Care Power of Attorney and Living Wills from Harvard Medical School.


WHAT OLDER ADULTS NEED TO AGE IN PLACE

Seven attributes communities need to be attractive to older adults, according to a MetLife Mature Market Institute study done with the Stanford Center on Longevity. 

- Housing. Affordable housing with zoning laws that permit flexible housing arrangements (assisted living facilities or houses on small lots).

- Transportation. Mass transit, senior transportation programs, walkable neighborhoods, nearby parks and recreation.

• Safe neighborhoods. Low crime rates, emergency preparedness plans.

• Health care. An adequate number of doctors who take Medicare, specialists, hospitals and preventive health care programs.

• Supportive services. Meals on wheels, adult day care, home care giving support.

• Goods, amenities. Retail outlets within walking distance, restaurants, grocery stores with healthy foods, farmers markets.

• Social integration. Places of worship, libraries, museums, colleges and organizations that promote intergenerational contact. 

http://www.cnbc.com/id/100549801

 

WHEN PARENTS DIE: UNFINISHED BUSINESS

 

 

 

 

http://www.havenofnova.org/articles/death_of_a_parent/unfinished_business%20.pdf

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Buy the book Money, Love & Legacy

Build Your Own Legacy Binder
Build Your Own Legacy Binder

 

What Readers Say

Are there relationship issues which need to be cleared up? Have you shared your important values and truths with your loved ones? Are there any amends you would wish to make or forgiveness you would seek?  This is a book from which all can benefit as they contemplate their own deaths or the loss of those they love.  – Susan Gilbert  Read More...
Money Love & Legacy offers what most of us need and desire in our heart-of-hearts --- a gentle and extremely informative guidebook for dealing with two taboo subjects: money and death. The "Legacy Binder" (a step-by-step guide to assembling critical papers and information) alone is worth the price. – Marya Charles Alexander  Read More...  
Helga Hayse takes emotionally charged, difficult topics between parents, children and family members, and provides wise and relevant advice on why it's so important to talk about them.  Grudges, anger, perceived wrongs, misunderstandings, whatever, will all be trumped eventually by death and its finality.   – E. Charnes  Read More...
After buying and reading this book, my husband and I began a series of conversations with our elderly parent, our adult children and stepchildren and most important, with each other about how we want to plan our own futures. – Tira Meesue  Read More...
I have seen the harm caused by families not discussing these important matters before it is too late. Yesterday, I handed my three grown daughters each a copy, and I'm actually looking forward to our future conversations with this book as our guide. – Barbara Crary  Read More...